By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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