this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
