you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
