MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
