if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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