singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
