News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
