I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
