It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
