i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
