i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just puked most of my soul out..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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