i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
