I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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