I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
