you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
