hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
