I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize