DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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