where am i from again
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
