dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
