so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
