hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
