Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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