Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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