he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
