Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
