He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
