Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
