dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
