I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
