O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
