it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
