i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
