my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
