you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
