So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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