I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so that wasnt chicken after all
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
