You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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