He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
we should paint friendship bongs
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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