I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
