sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
