Apparently you make a good broom.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
