Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
