If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
