we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
