..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
