Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
