my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
