Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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