I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
