their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
