pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
