i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
