I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
