hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
